Kind of makes me wonder about the wisdom of taking the job up there…

HOQUIAM, Wash. – Police say a man was carrying a dead weasel when he burst into an apartment and assaulted a man in Washington state.

The victim asked, “Why are you carrying a weasel?” Police said the attacker answered, “It’s not a weasel, it’s a marten,” then punched him in the nose and fled.

I’m not quite sure what to say about this one. “He’s not going to weasel out of this one” comes to mind…

Rest in peace, sir.

First of all, factors in the initial outbreak. We have the time-to-realization factor first of all. People may realize that something odd is happening in which some sort of violent insanity is striking people, but we’re far more likely to try to capture them and contain them than instantly blow their heads off. Depending on incubation time for the disease, those bitten by patient zero (assuming oral transmission) could have all gone their separate ways and had their injuries heal over by the time the disease kicked in. In such a situation, extremely rapid contagion (the Zompocalypse itself) would be unlikely — unless, like Yersinia pestis, it takes multiple forms in the body. In this case, one or two cases of orally transmitted zombi pestis could quickly turn into a quickly-incubating pneumonic form, and yet retain its transmissibility by oral means. Such a case could provide sudden and widespread zombification without requiring oral-only transmission.

Once the outbreak has begun, rationality goes out the window – something that could be called the Maple Street effect. Extreme paranoia, confusion over means of transmission, distrust of informing authorities, disruption of means of communication, and simple fear and shock would all have major impacts on the rationality and efficacy of individual responses to the epidemic. A Journal of the Plague Year by Daniel Defoe (despite being a fictitious account) is a pretty accurate conception of the sorts of panic that would be likely in such an event. The Plague by Albert Camus is another (and far more modern) fictional rendering of an epidemic that conveys some of the sense of helplessness of the victims.

“Sure,” you think, “like zombies could ever happen in real life.”

Well, insects already have to deal with zombification. Why not humans?

“Warning: Changing or inflating a tire can be dangerous. It should only be performed by a trained professional with the proper equipment.”

Seriously?! Come on!