podpolia

We were beginning our youth group lesson tonight, and the guy I was teaching the lesson with asked M to read the verse the lesson was based on.
“M, how about you read Matthew 6:33 for us?”
M, completely serious, replied, “I can’t, I’m not wearing my underwear.”
After the two of us who were teaching regained control and composure, we found out that the youth pastor tells them every Sunday morning that not bringing your Bible to church is like not wearing your underwear.
After we pointed out that the verse in question was printed on the paper that was laying in front of him (and he had hauled up his shirt to prove that he really WAS wearing non-metaphorical underwear) the class moved on.

“I hope the monkey DOES chew off your nipple!”

“I hope the monkey DOES chew off your nipple!”

We were doing an impromptu debate in class today over whether the narrator in Poe’s “The Tell-tale Heart” was insane or not. One student, while addressing his classmates who were serving as the jury, said, “This man killed another man because he looked weird. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, if I went around killing everyone who looked weird, all of you would be dead.”

Yesterday we were discussing Edgar Allan Poe’s “The Raven,” and got into discussing why he chose the raven as his talking bird instead of a parrot. The class determined (correctly) that a parrot would not fit in with the somber mood of the poem.
Said one, “It would be like having Halloween decorations at Christmas!”
Said another, “Yeah, or like having Santa Claus with only one eye!”

R: “I don’t have too many friends on that side of the room. I have more over on this side.”
Y: “All of R’s friends are either inflatable, or imaginary.”

“Bad boy! You’re grounded from Harvard!”

Occasionally spellcheck will have an unintentionally hilarious side effect — a student’s best guess at how a word is spelled can be automatically ‘corrected’ into an entirely different word. Today I was grading projects that my classes did on “The Scarlet Ibis”. One student (while talking about one character’s unfortunate expiration from exhaustion) wrote, “He finds Doodle under a tree dead from execution.”

“I don’t speak whatever you call it. English.”