I was flipping through the back of my Bible last night, looking for something in the concordance, and was slightly taken aback at the one phrase I saw. This particular concordance (which is copyrighted 1979 by The Lockman Foundation of La Habra, CA) is sorted by key words. “The key word is abbreviated in the text to its first letter, e.g., ‘abide’ is ‘a‘. Variants add suffixes, e.g., ‘abides’ appears as ‘a-s‘ and ‘abiding’ appears as ‘a-ing‘.” This seems perfectly innocuous, until one remembers that a particular colorful metaphor is abbreviated (even in common speech) with its first letter. All of this being explained, let’s get right to the amusing quotes (from the Bible, no less!)
“hide thy f from me”
Let’s hope.
“had the f of an eagle”
“like the f of an angel”
“perfecter of f”
“f-ed the multitude”
“thy people like a f”
Somebody’s popular…
“dissensions, f”
Paul seems unhappy with these dissensions.
“he will not f you”
“I reject your f-s”
“Love never f-s”
Rejection!
“devices let them f”
“f with their tongue”
“f-ing on his knees”
“f my inward parts”
Kiiiinky.
“I am f-ing calamity”
Somebody thinks highly of themselves…
“all may f … I will”
“and David f-ed”
“I f twice a week”
“Whom shall I f”
“righteous to f us”
Yes…
“Moses said … Do not f”
“Do not f, for I am”
“your f is lewdness”
“f … the wicked”
…or no?
“Solomon levied f”
Geez, didn’t he already have 900 wives?
“one f-inglight”
Isaiah seems to think it’s dark.
“was f-ing with smoke”
“the prophet was f-ed”
“plans are f-ed”
Statements on life…
“Wealth adds … f-s”
See? Girls go for rich guys.
So you see, the Bible has a lot of profound things to say, even if you cut it into bits, completely remove the context, and replace normal words with naughty ones. Now that’s impressive!