This isn’t a quote like most of my ‘tales from the classroom’, but I thought I would announce that as I was walking from the parking lot to the school building today, some student parked in the lot started playing “Safety Dance” at a rather excessive volume. I was somewhat confused.
The fill-in-the-blank portion of a student’s lab notebook:
“When an atom absorbs energy, the electrons move from their submissive state to an excited state. When an atom emits energy, the electrons move from a(n) submissive state to their excited state and give off photons.”
A: “I don’t think I like the cut of your jib!”
B: “Was that racist?”
Me: “No, it’s nautical terminology.”
B: “Um… we’re not all geniuses here…”
Me: “IT’S ABOUT BOATS.”
B: “Ok, thank you.”
“I think I have a fever.”
“Take your temperature the old fashioned way! Stick your finger up your butt!”
My forensics class has been discussing drugs and poisons.
Me: “What are some physical effects of THC [the active compound in marijuana]?”
A: “Job loss!”
“You take seven billion and divide it by SHUT YOUR MOUTH!”
I haven’t been writing much on here at all, but I heard a conversation today that was worth repeating (and it includes politics, so I’m hitting two birds with one stone).
A: “It’s not working!”
B: “I’ll fix it!”
A: “I’ll fix your face!”
C: “They sound like the Republican and Democratic parties.”
One from a couple of weeks ago:
“I’m talking about human anatomy. He’s talking about… dirty!
We just started human remains and decomposition in forensics, so I got out my plastic model of a skull. One of my students wanted to try to convince a classmate that it was Abraham Lincoln’s skull. I didn’t really want to play along…
Student 1: “That’s Abraham Lincoln!”
Me: “Sure, because Abraham Lincoln was made out of plastic…”
Student 2: “Michael Jackson was.”
This is absolutely terrifying. Not only is this bald-faced justification for offensive holy war, but it actually contains the blueprint for atomic genocide on a scale that would make Hitler proud. Allowing Iran to develop nuclear weapons would be suicidal on the part of Israel, and tantamount to complicity for the rest of the world.
Said by a student to other students who were arguing in class:
“Can’t we all just shut up and be one big happy family?”
By the way, my latest excuse for not posting much is that I finally got a permanent job teaching Chemistry. I have a number of students with a taste for the outré, however, so I should have plenty to post about in the future. A sample:
[A girl in class was sneezing repeatedly.]
A: I keep saying bless you, but it doesn’t seem to be working. I guess the demons don’t want to get out.
B: You should try saying “GET OUT OF HER!” instead of “Bless you!”
C: I’m not sure I’d trust you to be doing exorcisms.
B: Oh, I’d be good at it. I’d hit people with a crucifix.
C: That’s not an exorcism, that’s a beat down!
B: A HOLY beat down! And I’d put the crucifix in a sock so it wouldn’t leave marks.